Quarrelsome Wife, Lonely Life: Allowing God to Change My Attitude

Have you ever read your Bible and come across one of those kick-in-the-gut verses? The kind that makes you say ‘yep, that’s definitely meant for me….’? That happened to me a couple weeks ago when I was reading through Proverbs, one of my very favorite books:

“It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭21:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The conviction is real, y’all. I felt that one in my bones.

I’m admittedly a little Type A; the (wo)man with the plan. Organization and order put my soul at ease, and disorder always leaves me feeling anxious and stressed.

(Photo credit: Laura Mitulla)

My husband couldn’t be more different. Always easy going, calm, and collected, nearly nothing ruffles his feathers. I often hear him say “it’ll all get done,” and it’s always spoken truthfully, without a hint of concern in his voice. His laid back nature makes it difficult for him to understand why I run around like a crazy person with my bright red rubber gloves and messy bun flopping around the day before a holiday or big life event- I just can’t relax or enjoy it without my house clean and in order.

(Photo credit: rawpixel)

It’s really no surprise though, that in a busy household of two adults, two kids, and a dog, life can fall into a category that no one would label structured or orderly. It’s in those times that I sometimes become the quarrelsome wife that Proverbs talks about.

I get an attitude. I reprimand my family members for offenses I know I’ve warned against in the past. I might even toss a misplaced shoe as my lazy lab watches without surprise. These sorts of instances came to mind as I was reading that verse, and I began to feel my perspective shift from details to Deliverer. (Scriptures like this have a way of doing that; of redirecting our focus from the petty things fueled by the values of this world- to the more important bigger picture that God Himself has painted for our lives.) I already knew that my quarrelsome moments weren’t serving anyone in my family well- myself included. But I felt a tugging on my heart from that verse to be more mindful, more intentional, more grace-full in my interactions with my family, and most especially with my spouse.

That one simple verse became a call for me to put down my bright red rubber gloves and open my eyes to see how God blesses, even in the messes- and allow it to change my attitude.

Oh, and if that line didn’t say enough…. You can always count on repetition in the Bible where a message is of special importance. (You know how you’re always repeating instructions to your kids? Yeah, God has to do that, too.) A little further on in the wonderful book of Proverbs comes this:

“It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭21:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Ouch. A desert. The Bible says it’s better to live in a literal desert than with me a complaining wife. Pack your canteen, honey.

And I wasn’t kidding about repetition being a powerful tool in scripture, because then there’s this-

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭27:15-16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Okay, okay we get it!

Now. Can we mentally replace “wife” in these verses with “husband” sometimes? Of course we can. But we all know it’s usually us as wives who run the household, leaving us more vulnerable to daily challenges which can spur on an argumentative response. (These scriptures weren’t aimed at wives on accident.) 🤷🏻‍♀️

It happens. Stress manifests differently for all of us, and that’s where God’s grace (and hopefully the grace of our loved ones) comes in. These little gems in the book of Proverbs serve as a healthy reminder to keep a check on our attitude, which is always a reflection of the state of our hearts. As it’s said in Proverbs 4:23, our hearts should be guarded above all else because “everything you do flows from it.”

So put down the gloves and let out the messy buns, ladies. Be still and take stock of your precious world around you. Let’s pray for a gentle spirit, which is an attribute pleasing to God, and eyes that see past the mess and the stress. After all, “we can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps”- and there’s no arguing with that!

– • – • – • –

Encouragement For A Humble Heart, Gentle Spirit, & Kind-Hearted Attitude:

•Philippians 2:12-16

“….Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life….”

(My Bible’s comment section says: “A transformed life is an effective witness to the power of God’s Word. Are you shining brightly, or are you clouded by complaining and arguing? Don’t let dissensions snuff out your light.”)

•1 Peter 3:4-5

“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands.”

•1 Peter 3:10-11

“For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.”‭‭